Deranged Marriages

My pals are getting married this weekend. After an eight year courtship, they're finally tying the knot. Cheers to you both Pat and May!

The new year has welcome me with stressful deadlines and a shaky financial projection for the quarter. I'm currently mulling over the business structure, working on my forward planning and figuring out Adobe GoLive. Stuff which are all new to me. Tiresome, but exciting.

Oh well, this write is another de-stress piece. Oh, and it's about love/relationships/the stuff Britney sings about.

***

I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably going to be pretty single for a while. Besides my financial situation (which usually is vital to sustain a relationship), I think I still need to put some areas of my life into perspective. Namely, my spiritual walk. I'd like to spend more time getting serious about God. And understanding God's depth of love. Yes people, I'm a Christian.

Have I ever been in a relationship? Yeah, kinda. For a month. She flew back to the States and we had different plans. Well it's been a while since I've considered a relationship with anybody.
But hey, that's alright.

An lady in church (a woman of wise words) told me this:

"Why make everyone unhappy by committing to one person, when you can make everyone happy by remaining single".

She's single.

But her wit and sense speak ripples. Of course, assuming you've got a magical personality and everybody wants a piece of you. I guess what's more important in choosing the right one is, firstly being the right one. Everyone can dream of "Mr/Mrs Right". But can you be "Mr or Mrs Right"? Sadly, we have a lot of "Mr and Mr Right Now"s. So cultivating your character and personality is key and it takes time.

Am I picky? Yes I am. Aren't we all? I am to a certain degree. I think I have to be. If I'm planning on investing in a relationship that will last me till marriage and beyond, I better get it right. Or I may be plagued with the wrong wife. For life. [whoa. it rhymes]

Marrying the wrong person is like having lunch at a new restaurant. After you've ordered, you wished you had ordered what the other person did.

So, go easy. Don't rush.

So what criteria works for everyone? Ok, with my one-month courtship experience, its evident that I'm no guru in this. This is where I'd like to thank my friends for screwing up and showing me how things should've been done.

Well here's my arbitary list of criteria in point form (the way most guys like it):

• Follower of Christ. Jesus is the only form of truth you can find in this world. This is a huge factor that shapes a person's convictions, behaviour, actions and purpose in life.This is the only thing that will hold a relationship that is under siege. And in today's world, we're always bombarded with things that threaten the security of relationships.
  
• Foundational Friendship. I'd like to be with someone I can get along with. A friend. A good friendship is one with chemistry not hostility, one that complements not competes, on that cares not tears. A friendship is key in sustaining communication.
  
• Complementing and Compromising. Compromising's a risky word. But no two people are going to be the same. Hopefully not! This is where learning to give and take, making the right sacrifices, finding middle ground and overlooking each other's faults are important.

Ok. I've exhausted my brains on this. These are my broad 'rule of thumbs'. Of course, I have detailed ones which I won't post on my blog. Reserved for 'truth or dare' sessions.

Myths in relationships:

1. Physical beauty lasts.Of course, you knew it won't. Outward beauty has an expiry date. So don't be fooled by packaging.
   
2. Money=Security. If you think so, you better be right. Because most of the ones getting divorced have no problems affording the legal fees.
   
3. Love at First Sight. No such thing. Attraction at first sight happens. But love and relationship is developed over time.

[okay. I'm starting to feel a little odd writing this entry. But then again, I do hope this can help unmask wrong motives in wanting to start a relationship]

For me, I'm six packs away from finding true love. Am also one buck short from making a commitment. But these are just externals. I believe in arranged marriages - arranged by God. Anything beyond God's influence - I consider deranged marriages.

Gosh, I'm sounding like Joshua Harris! Oh well, hope I didn't pull off another sermon stunt with this post.