Keep Waiting
I was woken up at 4 am this morning. I think God was trying to say something to me, but it didn't seem to work. I spoke to Him, as I always have. Somehow, I knew it was a God thing that I woke early. I continue speaking to him, and I believe He listens. But no reply came this morning. His silence probably means something.
I'm going through a dark and deep depression.
I can't put a finger on what it is that is prompting me to feel this way. I know for sure it is a compression of numerous stressors, the lack of sleep, irregular dietary habits, breaking relationships and a whole bag of worries over nothing. I guess it's a normal thing to go through. It is just that this week/month/quarter is my turn to wrestle with this.
The Christian walk isn't hunky dory. Instead of being polished, geometrical bible-believing action figures, we are infact organic sinners, inconsistent in what we believe, say and do. Our hearts condemn our desire repentance. We circle the wheel of ungrace, rejecting God's salvation for another round of sinning to quench our ravenous sinful nature.We aim to be wise, but we grapple with the realisation of how unwise we are.
Our victorious life only happens within the shadow of the cross and anything beyond that is a mere delusion of our spiritual state. Sometimes, the artificial goodness and so called joy we forge on ourselves puts me off. The joy God prescribes in the bible has more to do with the hardships that precede it.
For me, I know that joy is somewhere around the corner. I'm quite sure, the hardships are meant for me to go through. On one hand, I want to be cured of this sad state. On another, self pity seems pleasurable. Like David in the psalms, I plan to keep waiting on Him. From hardships - perseverance, from perseverance, hope. From hope, joy.
I'm going through a dark and deep depression.
I can't put a finger on what it is that is prompting me to feel this way. I know for sure it is a compression of numerous stressors, the lack of sleep, irregular dietary habits, breaking relationships and a whole bag of worries over nothing. I guess it's a normal thing to go through. It is just that this week/month/quarter is my turn to wrestle with this.
The Christian walk isn't hunky dory. Instead of being polished, geometrical bible-believing action figures, we are infact organic sinners, inconsistent in what we believe, say and do. Our hearts condemn our desire repentance. We circle the wheel of ungrace, rejecting God's salvation for another round of sinning to quench our ravenous sinful nature.We aim to be wise, but we grapple with the realisation of how unwise we are.
Our victorious life only happens within the shadow of the cross and anything beyond that is a mere delusion of our spiritual state. Sometimes, the artificial goodness and so called joy we forge on ourselves puts me off. The joy God prescribes in the bible has more to do with the hardships that precede it.
For me, I know that joy is somewhere around the corner. I'm quite sure, the hardships are meant for me to go through. On one hand, I want to be cured of this sad state. On another, self pity seems pleasurable. Like David in the psalms, I plan to keep waiting on Him. From hardships - perseverance, from perseverance, hope. From hope, joy.
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