You will lose stuff
Some time this year, a friend of my brother visited my home. He was a man prayer, had a miraculous turn around and is now a serving Christian. He felt a need to pray for my family and for each of us. While in the shower, I had a deep sense that he would speak truth into my life. We met. He shared his life story. And we began to mull over the truth of God's Word (Bible).
Later he prayed for us.
While praying for me, he prayed about something very unique. My losses. My losses that would come. While I am usually skeptical of such premonitions, I somehow knew this was truth. Like all prophecies, only time will tell.
It has been months now since that night and I have encountered so so many losses. Major and minor ones. I was keeping my fingers crossed that weight would've been on the prophetic list, but that did not happen.
I lost a friendship I held to very dearly. Though I don't count it a total loss yet (I am praying that things get better), the effects of that process was horrible. I still struggle with it now. Though I'm learning to move ahead, it still hurts badly. I never knew how much my life revolved around that friendship till it slipped out of my hands. Friendships are never meant to be ended.
I lost my work (and sleep too). For about three months this year, I became a slave to my work. Handling about 14 projects a month made me realise how foolish it is to let work demand priority in your life. Sleep literally became a distraction. Days and nights for that three months were spent in the office or running around to meet clients. I was hardly home. Hardly had consistent meals. Sleep happened between 2-5 hours, almost daily. God was swept into my car. I only spoke to him and flipped the bible at the traffic lights.
I lost my family. We went through several painful rocky conflicts. The few months ahead, I had several fallouts at home. Coupled with the loss of my friendship, work and now family, I had also lost myself to some weak habits. Several occassions, I just wanted to numb myself out, which I did. As a result, I had lost myself and my faith and trust in God.
While the list above sounds dramatic, it is truth with no exaggeration.
It was during this time that I decided to just cut down my work into a quarter. I decided that if work is going to take my time from important things, heck, I'll just have to cut work. I was encouraged by a fellow freelancer who leads a bible study group from another church. When work and life was getting too good for him, he just decided to stop, and gave 6 months of his life to God in missionary work. When the 6 months ended, he started his business again from scratch and it was God who had helped start everything up. Things are settled for him now and he finds meaning in serving and work. So I did that. And am slowly realising that other things are more important than raising finances.
I decided to take up therapy with children with special needs. Though its seems to be another load on my plate, it really isn't. Having that break in my routine of work only makes me realise that some parts of my life needs to be compartmentalised so that I would be able to draw boundaries. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are days for therapy. Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays are for work. Nights are for family and friends, and myself.
While these losses would seem major enough to cope with, the losing continued.
Our family lost all 5 rabbits. Four to death, and the remaining one, we gave away. We had a total of four ferrets. Mom was very close to them. Two ran away at different times (they have bad sense of direction so will not return), one died shortly after. The last one died last week. We had three dogs. One died three weeks ago. Another dog happened to come into our compound so we adopted it as a pet (perhaps a replacement for that one dog). Last night, he went missing.
The prophetic prayer of my friend seems to ring true. I could be viewing these losses selectively, since he prayed that prayer. Perhaps there are other ways to reframe how I should see things. But really, nothing is like going through it yourself. Some losses do not have to happen. Some losses are unavoidable. But perhaps, God is disciplining me to endure losses of various kinds. Rational and irrational. Easy and tough ones. I don't know what lies ahead. But I'm kinda getting the hang of things. But seriously, it's been a really hurtful yet humbling process, to let God have is way. Just taking things in His stride.
Later he prayed for us.
While praying for me, he prayed about something very unique. My losses. My losses that would come. While I am usually skeptical of such premonitions, I somehow knew this was truth. Like all prophecies, only time will tell.
It has been months now since that night and I have encountered so so many losses. Major and minor ones. I was keeping my fingers crossed that weight would've been on the prophetic list, but that did not happen.
I lost a friendship I held to very dearly. Though I don't count it a total loss yet (I am praying that things get better), the effects of that process was horrible. I still struggle with it now. Though I'm learning to move ahead, it still hurts badly. I never knew how much my life revolved around that friendship till it slipped out of my hands. Friendships are never meant to be ended.
I lost my work (and sleep too). For about three months this year, I became a slave to my work. Handling about 14 projects a month made me realise how foolish it is to let work demand priority in your life. Sleep literally became a distraction. Days and nights for that three months were spent in the office or running around to meet clients. I was hardly home. Hardly had consistent meals. Sleep happened between 2-5 hours, almost daily. God was swept into my car. I only spoke to him and flipped the bible at the traffic lights.
I lost my family. We went through several painful rocky conflicts. The few months ahead, I had several fallouts at home. Coupled with the loss of my friendship, work and now family, I had also lost myself to some weak habits. Several occassions, I just wanted to numb myself out, which I did. As a result, I had lost myself and my faith and trust in God.
While the list above sounds dramatic, it is truth with no exaggeration.
It was during this time that I decided to just cut down my work into a quarter. I decided that if work is going to take my time from important things, heck, I'll just have to cut work. I was encouraged by a fellow freelancer who leads a bible study group from another church. When work and life was getting too good for him, he just decided to stop, and gave 6 months of his life to God in missionary work. When the 6 months ended, he started his business again from scratch and it was God who had helped start everything up. Things are settled for him now and he finds meaning in serving and work. So I did that. And am slowly realising that other things are more important than raising finances.
I decided to take up therapy with children with special needs. Though its seems to be another load on my plate, it really isn't. Having that break in my routine of work only makes me realise that some parts of my life needs to be compartmentalised so that I would be able to draw boundaries. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are days for therapy. Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays are for work. Nights are for family and friends, and myself.
While these losses would seem major enough to cope with, the losing continued.
Our family lost all 5 rabbits. Four to death, and the remaining one, we gave away. We had a total of four ferrets. Mom was very close to them. Two ran away at different times (they have bad sense of direction so will not return), one died shortly after. The last one died last week. We had three dogs. One died three weeks ago. Another dog happened to come into our compound so we adopted it as a pet (perhaps a replacement for that one dog). Last night, he went missing.
The prophetic prayer of my friend seems to ring true. I could be viewing these losses selectively, since he prayed that prayer. Perhaps there are other ways to reframe how I should see things. But really, nothing is like going through it yourself. Some losses do not have to happen. Some losses are unavoidable. But perhaps, God is disciplining me to endure losses of various kinds. Rational and irrational. Easy and tough ones. I don't know what lies ahead. But I'm kinda getting the hang of things. But seriously, it's been a really hurtful yet humbling process, to let God have is way. Just taking things in His stride.
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