Damsels in Distress

Crime rates in Malaysia lately have made me anxious about letting my lady-friends drive home alone especially after late-night outings and events. It's gruesome to watch authorities uncover half-naked corpses from drains and tv boxes. Most of them, young people (ok, some were young-ish) And they're happening in the city area, where our daily living happens. It's not a safe place anymore. "Malaysia Boleh!" has been largely misconstrued.

So, here are some tips for you guys to help protect our damsels (and make up for our lack of 'gentlemenliness' all these years):

• When a girl says, "I need to get something from the car, but I'll be fine going alone." (and though the car's parked ten miles away,...) You say, "Let me come with you." (smile - to show genuine concern).

• If she says, "No, it's ok." You insist that you should go because it's not a safe place. (change smile- she's probably declining due to smile # 1). And if she, still says no (which probably means, she thinks you're after her and she's not interested,...) You still be a gentleman and keep an eye on her from a safe distance.

• When she's driving home alone, (and you can't tail her home because you're out of petrol and cash, or really need to get to your 'home bathroom' a.s.a.p.) make sure she miss calls you upon reaching home. Judging the drive distance and the time it would take for her to reach home, call to check if she doesn't miss call. Be wise. Don't call while she's driving.

• Don't be a Johnny Bravo all the time. When your hands (or tongues) are tied, utilize other guys and give them responsibility. Of course, make sure the guys you bestow responsibility upon aren't stalkers or listen to Marilyn Manson.

• Avoid being an overly concerned gentlemen in her boyfriend's presence.

• Always escort girls to the toilet. No, not into the Ladies. 10 metres from the door will be fine. If a service charge of RM0.30 is required, be a gentlemen and say "I belanja-lah." Don't be a dunggu and buy her a packet of tissues. She probably has her own supply.

Some shopping complexes (Eg; KJ Giant Hypermarket, etc.) have badly planned toilet locations. The Gents and Ladies are just side by side, in a desserted corner of the complex. The passage leading to the toilets are not only long and winding, but out of sight from any crowd.

If other guys are cat-calling your lady friends, and could pose a threat. Be attentive and prepared. No, not for an opportunity to strike, but just in case they make an unwarranted approach. Just be prepared to step in and handle the situation wisely. PS: Hands don't solve problems.

When the whistlings are uncontrollable, you can respond in these few ways:

1. Whistle back at them while blowing flying kisses. Guys generally don't like gesture like that from members of their own sex.

2. Avoid showing them how you can curl four fingers on one hand.

3. Smile politely at them, as if you're acknowledging their cheers for you for having such a beautiful friend.

4. Ignore them. "Resist the devil, and He will flee ..."

5. Ask your lady friend to dig her nose while smiling at them. I tell you, the whistles will stop faster than the Kampung Tunku traffic lights.

Well, here are just some helpful tips. If you have anymore, place a comment and I could revise this list.

Protect the women!

Ps: Ladies, you can do your part too by avoiding driving at night. Heck, just avoid driving and we'll all be safe!